Tuesday, August 28, 2012


Guys. (Meaning myself, because nobody reads this.) I have lost ZERO POUNDS. I haven't gained, but I'm really confused. I eat extremely well, I go to the gym for an hour, sometimes two, a day. Most people I know lose 5-10 pounds at the drop of the hat just for quitting soda alone. I was drinking one a day, quit cold turkey, and lost nothing. I know that I'm getting healthier. My body feels better, albeit exhausted and sore. I crave the gym, now. I sweat more than I ever have in my life. It drips off of my face, and runs into my eyes. My sports bra is soaked. It's the greatest feeling in the world to know that I'm putting in that effort, and when I leave, I feel on top of the world, even though I can barely stand. But then I got on the scale, and there is NO. LOSS.

People keep telling me I'm gaining muscle, but I really don't think I've been lifting weights to the point that I've already built up enough muscle to outweigh any loss. I only do Body Pump twice a week, and mostly focus on cardio. I'm really considering getting blood work done. I've thought for a while that how rapidly I gained weight after my divorce was not normal, and how hard it is to take it off isn't either. I'm not expecting a walk in the park, but a month of working my butt off and eating clean should have SOME results.

Regardless, I'm going to keep on keeping on. I see a small difference in the mirror, and even if it's just mental, it's enough to keep me motivated. I wanted to make a list of some reasons that I want to lose the weight, to remind myself on days when I'm not as motivated. Yes, I realize some of these are very shallow, but it is what it is. So without further ado, here's what I've got so far:
  • To feel confident in a swimming suit
  • To not run the other way when I run into a boy I kissed or dated when I was thin
  • To cross my legs comfortably
  • To feel like I can participate when my friends want to play sports/go dancing, without worrying about what I look like
  • To not have to wonder if a store will have my size
  • To wear the bright red corduroy skinnies I've had in my closet for a year
  • To not wonder if I'm the heaviest person in my class at the gym
  • To wear a tank top instead of a baggy shirt at the gym
  • To not untag myself in pictures on Facebook
  • To continue to see my energy and stamina increase
  • To shop for clothes that are really my style-not just clothes that are cute and fit
  • To cut my hair super short
  • To set healthy habits for life, that I can pass on to my kids, if I ever have any
  • To pull out all of my "skinny" clothes and get rid of my "fat" clothes
  • To see my collarbones (I just really really love collarbones..)
  • To have a healthy relationship with food
  • To be able to say I did it.

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