I officially have lost ten more pounds since the beginning of October, bringing me to 29! I'M DYING to lose one more pound and be at 30. I'll definitely be getting myself a reward when that happens.

Unfortunately, my most recent weight loss has been because of my inability to eat, thanks to a new medicine I'm taking. I feel nauseous 100% of the time, and literally have to force myself to eat 1200 calories a day. I'm still going to the gym, but only about 3 times a week, because I worry I'll pass out. It is not fun.

This is the first time in my life that I have to make myself eat. It's weird. My parents bought pizza last night, and I could barely finish a slice. Which is great, in some ways. But the icky feeling needs to go.

My new goal is to hit 40 pounds lost by January 1st!

Only 11 to go!

WINNING.

This month has been so fantastic. I've lost 6.6 pounds, bringing me to a total of 25.4. I feel SO GOOD.

I also feel like I look like I've lost more than that. The other day, I tried on a dress that I wore when I was about to get married, and almost at my thinnest (42 pounds less than now), and it was only slightly snug. It's like my weight has completely redistributed itself.

Yesterday, at church, I wore a shirt that hasn't fit in A LOOONG TIME, tucked into a skirt I've never worn, and got told I look "tiny" several times. I really don't, but I'm so happy that other people are starting to see and acknowledge my weight loss.

AND...MY RED PANTS FIT!

Life is good.

One year

It's been exactly one year since I renewed my resolve to be healthy.

I remember because I started on my niece's first birthday. The day she was born, I was close to the thinnest I've ever been, although this picture doesn't do it justice. I had worked hard to be where I was. I was 50 pounds lighter than I had been in high school, and I shed  A LOT of sweat and tears to get there.

One year, one divorce, and 67 added pounds later, I was tired. Tired of who I was, tired of using my divorce as a crutch to eat as much cake as I wanted. I was tired of looking in the mirror and hating what I saw, hating myself for getting to this point. I took very few pictures of myself, and hate the few that I have.

I've always believed that you need to be emotionally ready to lose the weight, and when you are, something will click in your brain, and the motivation will come. I believe this, because I had witnessed it the first time I shed the weight. Thankfully, one year ago, something clicked in my head, and I knew I was ready to make changes and find myself again.

Although it may seem insignificant to outsiders, this year to me has been life changing. I've only lost 23 pounds, I've dreaded going to the gym some days, and completely avoided it occasionally, but I always come back to this new person that I am. I don't recognize the girl from last year, and I will NEVER see her again.

I am proud of the gallon jug of water I've carried every day for the past year.
I am proud of the endurance I've built, and the 10 girl push-ups I can do as opposed to last years zero.
I am proud of the healthy choices that I make daily.
I am proud of my body, and one year ago, that's something I never thought I would say again.

I know that even though it's taken me a year to lose only 23 pounds, those 23 pounds will stay off for life, along with the weight that I am continuing to lose. 

Here's to being even happier and healthier, one year from now.

YAY!

GUYS. THE SCALE MOVED!

I'm so excited, I could cry. I weighed this morning, so frustrated and expecting to see the same number I've seen for months.

AND IT WAS DOWN 3.2 POUNDS.

I can't even begin to describe how relieved I am. Yesterday, I felt SO STUCK. I called my mom and just wanted to cry and give up. How could I be losing no weight with how hard I've been working? I am crossing my fingers that this 3.2 pounds is the jump start to steady weight loss.

I've also started to log everything on My Fitness Pal, which has been helpful. I'm more aware of what I'm eating. Since people can see my food log, I don't want to eat something I wouldn't want anybody to see.

I'll just end with a couple of pictures of my red pants. They are on and zipped up! And skin freaking tight. (This was a week ago.) If I keep up this progress, they'll definitely fit by the end of the month!

So close, I can feel it!

FRUSTRATED

I'm so frustrated.

Remember how I was going to lose eight pounds in September?

Yeah, didn't even lose 8 ounces. And it's not that I didn't try. I tried so hard.
I hit the gym regularly. I ate well. I don't get it.

I got my blood tested on Friday, to check for a thyroid or hormone problem.
I almost hope that I have a thyroid problem, because I hear that medicine makes you drop weight.

Probably shouldn't wish for that.

I need to come up with a game plan for October. On October 27th, I am going to a concert that I'm really excited about, but that I also know will have an ex or two in attendance.

I just want to look and feel a lot better by then.

So, game plan:

No sugar Monday through Friday. (shoot me.)
I printed up a calendar of October, and wrote every work out for the month on it. 6 days a week.
Start 30 Day Shred (again) today. It's on the schedule every single day except Sundays.

FIT INTO RED PANTS BY THE 27TH. Guys, my red pants are so great. I can finally get into them (if I jump up and down for 10 minutes and don't move after that), and if I can fit into them comfortable by the 27th, I think I'll be the happiest girl in the world.

Here we go!

 I haven't posted in a while, but I haven't quit. I've been working harder than ever, actually. The bad news is that I've only lost three pounds. In a month. However, my ring is getting loose, my collar bones are starting to show, and for the first time last night, I walked by a mirror, and was really surprised at how much I didn't hate what I saw. I could see that there is progress to be made, but also could see that I've come farther than I thought in the last month.

The hardest thing has been having to find the motivation within myself. To be honest, my friends are supportive. Just not encouraging, if that makes sense. They tell people I live at the gym, and I love being that girl. But, they don't tell me I'm doing awesome, or that they can see a change. This morning my boss told me how awesome it is that I'm going to the gym every day, and it was the most uplifting thing anybody has said about how hard I'm working. It felt good. 

Anyway, I thought I'd just share a few pictures I've snapped of my journey over the last few weeks.

 First off, zucchini pizza. I'm pretty sure it is the greatest thing I have ever had in my life, and it's my all time favorite meal. Slice the zucchini, and steam if until it's still a little crunchy, but soft in the center. Then I arrange them all on a pan, put a little tomato sauce on each, and sprinkle with low fat mozzarella. Then I throw it in the oven for about 5 minutes on 350, and eat! When I'm sad and craving comfort food (pizza), this fills me up, without the carbs, and with all of the flavor.

  

I usually whip up a spinach smoothie for breakfast, but lately have noticed that on the days I eat oatmeal in the morning, I'm much fuller for longer. I was craving sweet, so I used 1/2 cup oatmeal, 2/3 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk, stirred in about a tablespoon of dark chocolate chips, a few slivered almonds, and a small amount of coconut. Shake it and refrigerate overnight. I couldn't even finish it, it was so filling. And it's SO EASY! It took less than 5 minutes to prepare, and I wake up 5 minutes later the next morning and just grab it and eat at my desk. :)

 

I feel like this picture is much more forgiving than I actually look. But it was an encouragement to see, anyway.

 

I decided this week to write up my weekly schedule of what workout I was planning to do, and what other things I had going on that evening. (Yes, I watched the VMA's a week late.) When it's written out and hanging in my room, I feel much more inclined to follow through. I haven't missed a work out yet this week, and I feel great! The picture on the left was after my workout last night. I did a circuit of a variety of weight machines, at 12 reps each with moderate weight, 5 minutes of the stair master (shoot me.), and repeated it three times. I finished off with twenty minutes on the elliptical, varying my incline and resistance. I was DRIPPING sweat.

The only terrible thing about working out every day is that I can no longer wash my hair only three times a week. When I leave the gym, you could wring sweat out of it. Blow drying my hair is my least favorite thing to do, and now it's a daily thing. But totally worth it for the results I know I'll see!

September

I've decided to try and set a goal each month, write it on a sticky note, post it on here, and in my room. My goal in September is to lose 8 pounds. It would put me at a certain milestone that I'm ready to hit, which would also be 27 pounds lost since I started this blog.

My boss' wife is a personal trainer, and she is having me come in today to accurately test my body fat and get measured. I'm nervous, because I know it's not good. However, if I go once a month, I'll be able to see more progress than just the scale, so that will be motivating.

I also talked to another personal trainer friend, who said I'm eating and doing everything right, I just need to be patient. She also gave me a circuit of weights/stairs to do at the gym in addition to my classes that should help push along my progress.

September, here I come!

Reasons

Guys. (Meaning myself, because nobody reads this.) I have lost ZERO POUNDS. I haven't gained, but I'm really confused. I eat extremely well, I go to the gym for an hour, sometimes two, a day. Most people I know lose 5-10 pounds at the drop of the hat just for quitting soda alone. I was drinking one a day, quit cold turkey, and lost nothing. I know that I'm getting healthier. My body feels better, albeit exhausted and sore. I crave the gym, now. I sweat more than I ever have in my life. It drips off of my face, and runs into my eyes. My sports bra is soaked. It's the greatest feeling in the world to know that I'm putting in that effort, and when I leave, I feel on top of the world, even though I can barely stand. But then I got on the scale, and there is NO. LOSS.

People keep telling me I'm gaining muscle, but I really don't think I've been lifting weights to the point that I've already built up enough muscle to outweigh any loss. I only do Body Pump twice a week, and mostly focus on cardio. I'm really considering getting blood work done. I've thought for a while that how rapidly I gained weight after my divorce was not normal, and how hard it is to take it off isn't either. I'm not expecting a walk in the park, but a month of working my butt off and eating clean should have SOME results.

Regardless, I'm going to keep on keeping on. I see a small difference in the mirror, and even if it's just mental, it's enough to keep me motivated. I wanted to make a list of some reasons that I want to lose the weight, to remind myself on days when I'm not as motivated. Yes, I realize some of these are very shallow, but it is what it is. So without further ado, here's what I've got so far:

• To feel confident in a swimming suit
• To not run the other way when I run into a boy I kissed or dated when I was thin
• To cross my legs comfortably
• To feel like I can participate when my friends want to play sports/go dancing, without worrying about what I look like
• To not have to wonder if a store will have my size
• To wear the bright red corduroy skinnies I've had in my closet for a year
• To not wonder if I'm the heaviest person in my class at the gym
• To wear a tank top instead of a baggy shirt at the gym
• To not untag myself in pictures on Facebook
• To continue to see my energy and stamina increase
• To shop for clothes that are really my style-not just clothes that are cute and fit
• To cut my hair super short
• To set healthy habits for life, that I can pass on to my kids, if I ever have any
• To pull out all of my "skinny" clothes and get rid of my "fat" clothes
• To see my collarbones (I just really really love collarbones..)
• To have a healthy relationship with food
• To be able to say I did it.

Body Pump

Last night, I did Body Pump for the first time. It. Was. Awesome. Seriously, I was shaking, and burning, and I loved every second of it. Afterwards, I stayed for half of Zumba. I had to leave due to a prior engagement, but it felt so good to push my body and know that I could really do two hours of classes if time allowed for it. It sounds insane, but I left the gym feeling like I'd already lost weight. And I know it was purely mental, but it was such a good motivation to do it again.

I did weigh myself this morning, and I'd lost a pound. A friend who's lost 95 pounds told me that when she was losing weight, she would vow to never see that number on the scale again. So if she ate badly one day, she wouldn't weigh herself the next day, because the next number she saw always had to be lower than the last. I love that. So when I weighed myself this morning, I promised myself I would NEVER see that number again. I won't divulge what I weigh, but that's a promise I want to keep to myself.

Oh, and I never a new favorite breakfast- refrigerated oatmeal. It's all over Pinterest, and I finally gave it a shot. I put 1/2 c quick oats in a jar, and 3/4 c unsweetened almond milk. I threw in a small handful of blueberries, put the lid on, shook it up, and stuck it in the fridge overnight. The next morning, I sprinkled a tiny bit of Great Grains cereal on top for some crunch, and it was delicious. When I eat my spinach smoothies, I'm hungry again within an hour or two. After eating this though, I was fine until lunch. Fantastic!

Also, as I was writing this, a coworker asked me if I've been losing weight. If that's not motivation, I don't know what is. I just feel happy today. And I haven't felt this way in months. I forgot how much I love the gym. I crave it now. Zumba tonight!

Hello, again.

I'm back. The last few months have been a roller coaster. I moved 3 times this summer, and for the majority of the summer, I didn't have access to a kitchen. I've somehow managed to maintain 20 pounds lost, but now that I'm back in a routine and a house where I can actually unpack my kitchen things, I'm ready to get my butt back into shape, and lose another 20! (Then another.. then another.)

Having a kitchen and being able to buy groceries has made all the difference the last couple of weeks, and I'll never take it for granted again! I've started making all of my meals, where I was eating out 2-4 times a day before. Every morning, I have a spinach smoothie with almond milk, greek yogurt, and berries that I bought at the farmer's market and froze. Snacks have become carrots, raw almonds, low fat cottage cheese and celery, or fruit, in place of the candy or QT taquitos that I have been grabbing the last few weeks. I've started to go to the gym again, and am utilizing the classes-primarily kickboxing and Zumba, and I'm trying out Body Pump for the first time tonight.

I don't know where my head has been at the last couple of months, but I'm so happy my drive is back. I'm happy to be back in a place where I feel comfortable and motivated to begin a healthy life style again.

I know literally nobody reads this blog, but I'm going to keep track of my progress here anyway, 100% to help keep myself on track.

So excited to be back. :)

Last week, on the second day I was scheduled to run, I woke up with shin splints that hurt too badly almost to even walk. It was terrible. So I had to put running on hold, pop lots of Ibuprophen, do lots of stretching, and shove an ice pack up the leg of my jeggings while sitting at my desk at work. (Yes, I wear jeggings. Don't judge.)

So after taking a week off, I started up week 2 again on Tuesday. I was expecting it to be hard. I was expecting that week off to put me in even worse running shape than I was in before. But, I was pleasantly surprised. The running stretches were easier-although my shins/calves were feeling it, I ran faster and was still able to carry on a conversation. When it came time to walk, I didn't feel like I needed to walk slowly to catch my breath. And afterwards, I felt so good that I went straight to an hour of Zumba.

My shins are hurting again today, but Tuesday was rejuvenating. I'm excited to start running longer, and walking less. I'm aware that it won't be easy, but it no longer seems out of reach. Somebody will probably have to remind me that I felt this way several times over the next few weeks, though, as I'm sure I won't always feel this positive.

But I really hope that I can hold onto this motivation, because it feels fantastic.

W1D2 C25K

Yesterday was day 2 of C25K. (Couch to 5K. DUH.)

It was easier than the first day in some ways-my breathing was fine. I actually didn't feel tired or breathless at all. (except for one instance where I accidentally reset the clock in the middle of a run, and my friend decided we should just run longer.)

The only problem is still my freaking feet. I'm breaking all of my rules today and wearing tennis shoes with jeans at work. I wear sandals year round, and never running shoes unless I'm working out. But I want to get used to these things, so a sacrifice had to be made. Ha. They really don't feel bad when I'm not running-my right calf just cramps up so badly when I am.

I decided to make myself a motivational board with my 5K schedule on it, and skinny pictures of myself, and things of that nature. I haven't actually done it, but I bought the poster board, so that's a start, right? It's already making me excited to cross off the days I run on my calendar.

Anyway..I'm just rambling. But I figured if I blog about every run, I'll be more inclined to actually run, and not make excuses. So here you go.

My first "run"

So, I went on my first "run" yesterday. It's ridiculous to even call it that, considering how little running I did. The schedule for the first week is three days of running 60 seconds, then walking 90 seconds for 20 minutes.

I looked at that, and thought, "That's ridiculously easy. I should skip to the second week." My friend convinced me to just start with the 60 seconds, and I'm so glad she did.

Guys. I'm not out of shape. I very seriously believe that your size doesn't determine your fitness level, and I promise you that when I'm at the gym, I don't do things half way. I kick my freaking butt until I want to die, and I'm proud of how hard I push myself.

And yesterday was still so hard. I've never enjoyed running. I have asthma (yet never take an inhaler) and for some reason, my lungs have always burned like nobody's business when I run. By the end of the first 60 seconds, even though I practiced steady breathing the whole time, I was out of breath. And it was terrible.

Eventually, the breathing got better, but my feet/calves kept getting worse. It was only my second time wearing my shoes, and I could tell. My feet still were cramping up from the arches, and it was the hardest part of the whole thing. I think I'm going to start wearing them around all of the time to break them in, because that was not cool.

Other than that, I didn't hate it. We went about 1.5 miles in the twenty minutes, which isn't great, but it is what it is. Part of that is because I was walking slower than I do on average due to the foot pain.

And on the plus side, I'm sore today-not the bad sore...the sore that hurts so good-in my abs, my inner thighs, I can feel that I worked them.

Hope day two is a little better!

Shoes!

Guess what I did this weekend! (Don't really guess, I'm just going to show you.)

Yay! I went to Road Runner and finally got fitted for running shoes. I was really intimidated at first-I know it's silly, but the guy helping me was extremely attractive, and I had no idea what I was doing. But it went really well, and after paying a pretty penny, I got these babies. I love them.

They shape an insert to your foot, and even though it cost as much as my shoes, I fell for it and bought it. I have really high arches, so the new arch support is going to take some getting used to. I wore them to Zumba on Saturday morning, and my toes started cramping about 10 minutes in, but it didn't last long.

Today, I'm starting the Couch Potato to 5K program, and I'm so excited. In case anybody is wondering, this is the schedule I'm following. I'm excited because I feel like going running gives me so much more freedom. I love doing the classes at the gym, but I feel like without them I don't work as hard, so I'm a slave to whatever time the class is at. And if I can't make it to class, I usually just don't go, which is terrible, and I know that. I have a friend running with me, and she's the type that will make sure I go, so that's great.

I just really, really want to do this.

I also love the gym, so I'm planning to go to Zumba or Body Pump still on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays that I don't work. I did really well making healthy eating choices last week, so snaps for me. I suppose I should weigh myself and post a project picture soon.. Next week.

Alright guys, I have to get back on track. Seriously.

The last three weeks, we had family staying with us for a family wedding. I know that that's no excuse, but it made it really hard to keep up with buying my own groceries and making my own dinner. There were tons of leftovers from the wedding in the fridge (carrot cake daily for a week? it happened), and 6 people in the house (including two kids) instead of 2. It was fun, but I'm ready to whip back into shape.

A couple of weeks ago, my friend and I volunteered at the Phoenix Marathon. I've NEVER been a runner. I hate it. I get shin splints, and want to vomit. I can kickbox, Zumba, elliptical, you name it, for a long time and be totally fine. But running just kills me.

Something about watching all those runners inspired me, though. There were men and women at LEAST in their 80's, little kids, strong athletes, and people bigger than I am.

I've been saying for years that I want to train for a 5k. And I need to stop talking and just do it. I need to just find one in a few months, and sign up for it, forcing me to get prepared. So this weekend, after I get paid on Friday, I'm going to invest in a good pair of running shoes, and stop making excuses.  I may hate it and quit when I reach my goal. But I need to reach it, to prove to myself that I can.

I also have been super inspired by Mama Laughlin. She just finished the 30 Day Shred (oh, remember how I bought that and never did it? Typical Heidi), and had fantastic results.  The thing that holds me back from doing it daily is that I live with my aunt (who I love), but I feel silly doing a workout video alone when other people are home. I just have a complex like that. I need to stop worrying about it and be committed.

As far as eating goes, that's where I need to make the biggest change again. It's not even a matter of not wanting to eat clean and healthy-the problem is my lack of planning. After work today, I'm heading straight to the grocery store, and stocking up so that I have NO EXCUSES.

Here's to a fresh start.

So I stepped on the scale the other day, and I've officially lost over 20 pounds! 21.4, to be exact. I'm pretty excited.

The great thing is that my body feels like it's lost more than 20 pounds. I think it's because usually when I lose weight, I either diet and don't workout (stupid HCG..), or strictly do elliptical. This time I'm challenging my body with exercises that tone, shape, and focus on my core.

I decided about 5 minutes ago that I'm going to try and wake up earlier than ten minutes before I have to leave for work (I know, I'm pathetic), and go for a 20 minute walk/jog in addition to my evening work out. I'm generally very cranky in the morning, and I'm thinking that waking up with a work out could not only help with that, but boost my metabolism throughout the day, and of course, burn more calories than I already am. Plus, on days that I'm super busy and don't make it to the gym in the evening, at least I know I did SOMETHING and can feel good about it.

I'm thinking about buying myself a beach crusier, too. The weather in Arizona right now is SO PERFECT, and gas is so high, that it's a shame not to own one.

{source}

Anyway. Exercise is making me feel happy. And that is the best. :)

No scale!

Guys, I'm the worst blogger ever.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to try NOT weighing myself. I've heard from different people that if you stress to much about losing weight, it could affect it. And I STRESSED. Every Saturday morning when I knew I had to weigh myself, my bathroom was anxiety attack central.

So I thought I'd give not weighing myself a shot, and go off of how I feel.

That lasted about a week, and then I decided to step on the scale.

IT WAS BROKEN.

So I guess by default, I'm not going to weigh myself for a while, and we'll see how that goes.

I've been so lazy with my eating lately. I make the excuse that I don't have time to cook chicken and broccoli, so I eat something else (generally not bad, but worse than what I should eat to lose weight), knowing that my excuse is just BS.


The good news is that I do feel better. I feel cuter, and have even gotten hit on a couple of times. (If that doesn't send your self esteem through the roof,  I don't know what does.)

I'm sure I'll get a new scale and weigh myself soon. But hopefully I can drop a few more pounds until then without the stress of the scale.

30 Day Shred

Weight loss: 0, +1 pound
Total weight loss: 18.6 pounds

Seriously? How did this happen? I worked out and ate (mostly) healthy. My theories are that I've gained muscle, or hit a plateau and need to switch things up.

I did Jillian's 30 Day Shred yesterday for the first time with my friend Mallory.

Here's my review on the DVD, in case anybody cares.

I spent a solid hour reading reviews on Amazon about the workout before I decided to purchase it. The reviews were ALL positive. My favorite being, "This workout has brought me closer to religion because I have faith that it works." Seriously, people were being all kinds of crazy.

A lot of reviewers claimed that they've run marathons and are "gym rats" and that even for them, level 1 was a killer. To those people, I call BS. (Unless their idea of being a gym rat is scurrying around the gym's trash can looking for food..or maybe they think a marathon is measured in feet, rather than miles.)

The TOTAL length of the workout is 27 minutes. I went into it thinking that if the self-proclaimed gym rats couldn't finish level 1, then I was sure to die.

False. I did not die. And while the workout IS difficult (but definitely not unbearable), I truly believe that anybody that believes they could lose 20 pounds in 30 days while strictly doing this DVD needs a reality check.

That being said, I really enjoyed the workout itself. I'm sore today, and definitely think that it's a great exercise to tone, which I need. If it was coupled with 3-4 days of cardio, and  a healthy eating regime, I could see it having excellent results. However, I've only done one day, so my opinion isn't worth much.

I plan on supplementing it for my workouts on days I don't make it to the gym, and potentially doing both on days that I have time. I'm sure I'll add a more educated review once I've done it for a month or so, but for now, this is where I stand.

"There is no secret routine, there is no magical number of reps and sets. What there is, is confidence, belief, hard work on a consistent basis, and a desire to succeed." -Steve Justa

One workout from a good mood.

Weight loss this week: 2 pounds
Total weight loss: 19.6 pounds

It's crazy that it's been exactly three months today since I started this. Although I'm far from where I need to be, I've noticed a lot of changes in my life. I have more energy. I'm not afraid to look in the mirror anymore. I actually crave vegetables.

Over the past couple of weeks though, I've noticed depression creeping back into my life. I couldn't pin point why-nothing has changed really. Then last night I went to the gym for the first time in a couple of weeks. (I've been pretty sick and using it as an excuse.) Afterwards, I realized that missing my workouts most likely played a huge part in the way my emotions had been changing. It reminded me of this picture I saw on Pinterest:

When I first saw this picture a couple of weeks ago, I didn't really like it. It didn't seem applicable to me, and I couldn't see any correlation between working out and my well being. Then last night, after leaving kickboxing (and feeling like my legs were going to give out), I felt lighter. Everything that has felt so wrong in my life suddenly didn't seem so hard to face. My circumstances didn't change. But one good work out helped me feel a little more hopeful. I can't help but quote Elle Woods in Legally Blonde. "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy."

So I'm resolving to do better at consistently working out. Not just for my physical health, but for the sake of my mental health too. One thing that I really believe, and have learned through all of my weight loss/gain experiences, it's that without the proper mind set, the weight won't stay off.


When I reached my skinniest (pictured below), I gained the weight back because when I looked in the mirror, I still saw the chubby girl that I was growing up. I was physically more healthy than I'd ever been in my life. But my head wasn't in the right place.

That's why my new motto is:

"Be ok with yourself, 
even if you know you want to change."


Here's to an all around healthier me.

Not much to say..

Weight loss this week: -2.8 pounds
Total weight loss: -17.6 pounds


I'll admit, I round it up to 18 when I tell people how much I've lost. And everybody says that 18 pounds is a lot, but honestly..I just don't see it. The good news is I'm wearing pants that haven't fit in a solid 4 months.

Working out hasn't happened in two weeks..I know, I fail. I went to California and cancelled my appointment with my trainer. I need to reschedule soon.. Then when I got home, I got a nasty bug and haven't been able to breathe out of my nose or mouth for a week. Thankfully I'm almost done with my antibiotics. I know I should suck it up and work out anyway. I always preach to not make any excuses. I'll do better.

I know this post is short, but I don't have much to say. 2.4 pounds away from 20, and I plan to make that happen in the next two weeks.

2012

Happy New Year!

I got on the scale on Saturday after two weeks of eating carelessly. I had cake, Christmas candy and cookies, Mexican food, Italian food, hot chocolate, etc...

Two weeks of having family and friends in town, celebrating birthdays AND Christmas, and being off of work was really hard. Granted, I didn't eat as much of the junk as I would have months ago, but I ate it.

I felt disgusting and I just KNEW that I'd gained 10 pounds. But I only gained .8, leaving me with a total of 15 pounds lost still.

The beginning of this year has felt very refreshing. I know it's cliche to say that I can feel 2012 will be a good year-everybody's saying it.

But I really don't think that this year could be worse than last year, so there's nowhere to go but up!

The start of the year also gave me a fresh resolve to keep going on this journey.

I WILL reach my goal weight this year. And I WILL continue to learn to love myself. 

I have an appointment with a personal trainer this upcoming week to go over my current measurements, my goals, and put together a game plan of how I'm going to get there. Because I will get there.

I really started to notice the 15 pound difference over this past weekend. I've seen the number drop on the scale, but haven't really felt any different. As I got ready for New Years Eve though, I looked at myself in the mirror and liked what I saw. I noticed that my stomach was flatter and that the new sweater I bought showcased my waist. I noticed that I looked happier and felt good in my skin. 

And this is just the start of something amazing. 

{I plan to.}