One workout from a good mood.

Weight loss this week: 2 pounds
Total weight loss: 19.6 pounds

It's crazy that it's been exactly three months today since I started this. Although I'm far from where I need to be, I've noticed a lot of changes in my life. I have more energy. I'm not afraid to look in the mirror anymore. I actually crave vegetables.

Over the past couple of weeks though, I've noticed depression creeping back into my life. I couldn't pin point why-nothing has changed really. Then last night I went to the gym for the first time in a couple of weeks. (I've been pretty sick and using it as an excuse.) Afterwards, I realized that missing my workouts most likely played a huge part in the way my emotions had been changing. It reminded me of this picture I saw on Pinterest:

When I first saw this picture a couple of weeks ago, I didn't really like it. It didn't seem applicable to me, and I couldn't see any correlation between working out and my well being. Then last night, after leaving kickboxing (and feeling like my legs were going to give out), I felt lighter. Everything that has felt so wrong in my life suddenly didn't seem so hard to face. My circumstances didn't change. But one good work out helped me feel a little more hopeful. I can't help but quote Elle Woods in Legally Blonde. "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy."

So I'm resolving to do better at consistently working out. Not just for my physical health, but for the sake of my mental health too. One thing that I really believe, and have learned through all of my weight loss/gain experiences, it's that without the proper mind set, the weight won't stay off.


When I reached my skinniest (pictured below), I gained the weight back because when I looked in the mirror, I still saw the chubby girl that I was growing up. I was physically more healthy than I'd ever been in my life. But my head wasn't in the right place.

That's why my new motto is:

"Be ok with yourself, 
even if you know you want to change."


Here's to an all around healthier me.

First day of the rest of my life

Hi. I'm Heidi.

Although if you're here, you should probably already know that.

This new blog of mine is to help document my weight loss journey, motivate me towards reaching my goals, and maybe even encourage a person or two along the way.

Let's start at the beginning, shall we?

I've been overweight since I was a kid. It never bothered me much. Sure, I wished it was easier to find a prom dress that fit, and I dreaded P.E. But I always had a lot friends. I was never bullied. I was genuinely happy.

Towards the end of my senior year in high school, I wanted to change.

And I did. I worked my butt off, literally. Within a year I was down a whopping SIXTY POUNDS.

It felt great. I'd always been popular, but boys were looking at me. I was dating men I had never even dreamed would be interested in me, due to my weight. And for once in my life, I actually felt confident at a pool party.

However, it was short lived. After a terrible break up, I gained thirty pounds back, only to lose 20 of it again for my wedding May of in 2010.

Which is where I'd really like to start this story.

I was married May 29, 2010.

I wore a size 12 wedding dress, which to some may sound big, but considering that I'm 5'9", and have always been overweight, to me, it was perfect.

Then my marriage started going downhill-and fast.

The worse it got, the more I ate.

I remember staying awake after my husband went to bed and just eating,

trying to somehow fill the void that wasn't being filled with the love I was craving so desperately.

I was depressed. I was suicidal. And then he left, in February of 2011.

And I ate some more.

In the past year and a half, I've been married, divorced, turned 22, gotten on and off depression medicine, and been through countless more events that I won't bore you with.

But I let life get the best of me and my body.

And I now weigh more than I ever have in my life.

Which brings me here, writing this blog, because I am ready to take my life back.

I'm ready to stop "untagging" myself on Facebook, because I'm ashamed.

I'm ready to fit into those hot corduroy skinnies I bought from the Gap,

and to rock them.

And I'm ready to love ALL of me again.

I know this post has been long,

and if you're still here, thank you.

Because I can't take this journey alone.

So, tune in later this week for the full extent of my plans, goals, and everything in between.

Until then, never underestimate your power to change yourself and your circumstances.