Well, Thanksgiving didn't quite go as planned.. It went something like this:

I swear, it just brought the inner fat girl right out of me. I didn't go super crazy or overboard, but once I ate on Thursday, the rest of the weekend was shot and I gained 2 pounds.

It's back to the daily grind this week, but I'm having a really hard time motivating myself.

I really can't even put into words how I feel. I'm just tired, upset, and want to quit.

But I won't. So hopefully there's a loss next week.

How to survive Thanksgiving

Weight loss this week: 4.2 pounds
Weight loss so far: 10.6 pounds

Yes. You read that right. 4.2 freaking pounds this week.

I usually weigh in on Monday, but I woke up feeling pretty good on Saturday. I generally despise weighing myself because I'm so afraid of that number. But I thought, why not, and was extremely surprised.

I really attribute the increase in loss to my work outs. I ate the same this past week (if not worse), but started going to kickboxing instead of just hitting the elliptical. I went for a hike. And I loved my workouts. I felt like I was actually accomplishing something when I felt the burn in my legs and abs all week. So I've decided to make this a habit. From now on, it's kickboxing Mondays and Wednesdays, and Zumba on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays that I'm not booked at the salon.

The great thing about these classes is I feel like I'm toning and strengthening while also getting an awesome cardio workout. I also work out harder than if I'm just doing it on my own.

On to the real matters of this week. It's Thanksgiving. (insert scary music here.)

People have been asking me what I'm going to do about the gigantic feast that will inevitably be shoved in my face this coming Thursday. Here's my plan for the day:

I'm waking up at 6:30 and going for a hike. That way I can get my exercise in early, jump start my metabolism for the day, and enjoy a beautiful morning with my family.

I'm eating my regular diet throughout the day. Generally, I just either binge all day, because hey, it's Thanksgiving! Or I starve myself then eat until I want to pass out. While those both sound like ridiculously fun ideas, I think I'll go the healthy route this year. Balanced breakfast, and my usual low calorie snacks in between meals, so that when the big meal comes, I don't over do it.

For the actual Thanksgiving dinner..I am not going to deprive myself. I want to enjoy the tradition, and feel like I'm not missing out. I plan to fill my plate with veggies, and get bite sized portions of the things I love-because who wants to miss out on the mashed potatoes, yams, and pumpkin pie? Not this girl. By having just a taste of the heavier things on the menu, but filling up on vegetables and lean meat beforehand, I promise you won't feel like you're missing out at all.

Eat slowly, and enjoy the company around you.
Thanksgiving should be a day to celebrate family, friends, and the freedom that we enjoy.
(And a preface to the great holiday, Black Friday.)

Eat to live, don't live to eat!

Update and Goals

Yes, yes, I know, I missed blogging last week.. I may or may not have intentionally not weighed myself out of fear that a certain time of the month would disrupt the outcome. It happens.

But I weighed myself yesterday and am down 6.4 pounds! Not ideal, but I am happy with anything, honestly. I keep reminding myself that I'm working out and (hopefully) gaining muscle also.


In 2 days, it will have been a month since I started. And I can honestly say I don't crave sugar at all anymore, or carbs usually. Yes, when a friend took me to Lolo's chicken and waffles, I ate half of a waffle.. and the same with the eggnog shake that another friend bought for me.


And then I worked my butt off at the gym.


Here's my theory. (Yes. Another one. I'm full of them.)


A month ago, I would have eaten 3 waffles, and 2 pieces of fried chicken, then chased it down with 2 or 3 Dr. Peppers. So I don't feel any remorse or guilt for eating ONE HALF of a waffle and having the self control to stop there.


Because I am so happy to finally feel a sense of control over my eating habits.


I had a really emotional week this past week, dealing with some really sad things that friends and family are going through. And when I got home, drained from emotion almost every night, I had the temptation to run to the fridge, and eat away my feelings. Just like when I was going through my divorce.



But I didn't.


And I will add that to the list of things to celebrate about myself.

Goals for this week:


1. Find cute ways to fit into the clothes I already have and dress them up a little more.

(my first attempt-I've never belted a shirt in my life. I was missing out!)

2. Lose at least 1.5 pounds.


Ready, set, go!

Rambling and a recipe

I'm halfway through with week 3, and 4.3 pounds down. I really should stop counting by weeks, because as far as I'm concerned, there's no end date to this.

People keep calling it a diet, and it annoys me. This isn't some quick fix where I'll drop the weight then eat whatever I want. I refuse to see this as a diet, I see it as a life long change.

I've come to know my body. I know that I don't have the best metabolism. I gain weight fast. I become addicted to sugars (ahem..Dr. Pepper), and so I shouldn't have them. At least not so regularly that it becomes a habit instead of a treat.

Every day I have to remind myself that it is ok if it takes me a year, even two years to reach my goal weight. I tell myself constantly that once I get to that point, going to the gym daily will just be a part of my routine. Eating fruit and vegetables will become second nature. (I've eaten more in the last two weeks than I have in the last year.)

As hard as it is to take this day by day, and not see immediate results, I know I'm changing my life and health for good, and for the better. And that's all that matters.

Anyway, onto the goods. As I said in the first post, I eat homemade protein bars every day.

Let me tell you, they are delicious. Ok, maybe "delicious" is being a little too generous. But they taste somewhat along the lines of a no-bake cookie, with at least half the fat, and lots of protein. I highly recommend them. So, here is the recipe. You're welcome.

Ingredients 3 TB natural peanut butter (crunchy or creamy. I prefer crunchy.) 1/2 cup oats 1/2 cup oat flour (if you don’t have oat flour, use another 1/2 cup of oats) 3 scoops chocolate or  vanilla  1 tsp vanilla 1 cup non fat dry milk 1/2 cup water (you may need more water depending on protein) (I may or may not, but definitely do, add 1/2 T of Nutella.)  Directions Have a plate ready to put cookies on.  Mix together dry ingredients in a bowl.  Add everything else and mix together with your hands… it will be very sticky.  Roll about a 1 1/2” diameter of dough between your hands into a ball, smash it between your hands into a cookie and put onto a plate. One batch makes about 8-10 cookies.  Place them in the freezer…. And then enjoy. Nutrition Content (per square): 97 Calories, 7g fat, 14g carbohydrates, 21g protein Seriously, they're my go-to snack.

I've started eating fruit about twice a week, and I allow myself one treat a week also. I've been thinking about this a lot recently, and reading a lot of weight loss blogs, and I've come to this conclusion:

I firmly believe that life is to be enjoyed, not just endured. And I believe that that applies to every aspect of our lives-even dieting. When it comes down to it, if you hate everything you eat, you'll quit. You won't be happy. You'll resent your diet, resent your choices, and through that resentment, lose motivation. And that is when the weight creeps right back. (I'm speaking from experience, people.)

Complete and total restriction almost always leads to binging. Words of wisdom coming from Queen Binge herself. So my philosophy is to live a little. Give in to that craving once in a while (no, not every day). Then hit the gym for an extra 10 minutes the next day. Don't regret that bite of cheesecake. Or beat yourself up because you think a mini Snickers will make you gain 10 pounds. Enjoy it, savor it, and move on with your life.

Slow and steady wins the race.

1 Week In

I'm one week in, and 2 pounds down. I'll be honest, I was expecting a bit more of a loss, considering the drastic change in my eating habits and increase in exercise. But 2 pounds is 2 pounds, so I'll take it.

The wife of the owner at my work is a personal trainer/body builder, and I've been following the diet plan that she gave me for the past week.

Here's an idea of how what I eat daily:

First thing in the morning: Protein drink

Breakfast: 1/2 cup oatmeal with cinnamon and stevia

Snack: Homemade protein bar (delicious and low calorie, I'll post the recipe at some point.)

Lunch: 1/2 cup brown rice, 1 chicken breast (or other lean protein), green vegetable (such as spinach, broccoli, romaine lettuce..)

Snack: Homemade protein bar

Dinner:  Turkey burger (or other lean protein, like fish), green vegetable

Right before bedtime: Protein drink

(I also drink at least 1 gallon of water a day.)

As you can see, I've cut out all sugar. I try to get in at least half an hour of exercise a day, this past week I only got in 4 days.

It was a difficult transition, but not as hard as I expected. I didn't miss or crave sugar at all, which was great, but for some reason I was still very cranky. I thought I'd be more tired, but I had more energy than normal.

The hard thing for me is not seeing the weight drop off immediately. I think, "ok I worked out for 45 minutes, why am I not skinny yet?" Every day I have to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that this is a lifestyle change.

I'm not going to lose 20 pounds in 2 days, or maybe not even in 2 months.
People aren't going to notice that I lost 2 pounds, even though I feel it.
And when I reach my goal weight, it still won't be ok for me to drink soda every day, and snack on candy when I'm hungry or sad.

Will it be easier to indulge every once in a while? Yes.
But this isn't some quick fix. This is why I've always gained the weight back. Because I don't treat it as a new way of life.

But this time is different. This time has to be different.

From here on out, I eat to live, I don't live to eat.

First day of the rest of my life

Hi. I'm Heidi.

Although if you're here, you should probably already know that.

This new blog of mine is to help document my weight loss journey, motivate me towards reaching my goals, and maybe even encourage a person or two along the way.

Let's start at the beginning, shall we?

I've been overweight since I was a kid. It never bothered me much. Sure, I wished it was easier to find a prom dress that fit, and I dreaded P.E. But I always had a lot friends. I was never bullied. I was genuinely happy.

Towards the end of my senior year in high school, I wanted to change.

And I did. I worked my butt off, literally. Within a year I was down a whopping SIXTY POUNDS.

It felt great. I'd always been popular, but boys were looking at me. I was dating men I had never even dreamed would be interested in me, due to my weight. And for once in my life, I actually felt confident at a pool party.

However, it was short lived. After a terrible break up, I gained thirty pounds back, only to lose 20 of it again for my wedding May of in 2010.

Which is where I'd really like to start this story.

I was married May 29, 2010.

I wore a size 12 wedding dress, which to some may sound big, but considering that I'm 5'9", and have always been overweight, to me, it was perfect.

Then my marriage started going downhill-and fast.

The worse it got, the more I ate.

I remember staying awake after my husband went to bed and just eating,

trying to somehow fill the void that wasn't being filled with the love I was craving so desperately.

I was depressed. I was suicidal. And then he left, in February of 2011.

And I ate some more.

In the past year and a half, I've been married, divorced, turned 22, gotten on and off depression medicine, and been through countless more events that I won't bore you with.

But I let life get the best of me and my body.

And I now weigh more than I ever have in my life.

Which brings me here, writing this blog, because I am ready to take my life back.

I'm ready to stop "untagging" myself on Facebook, because I'm ashamed.

I'm ready to fit into those hot corduroy skinnies I bought from the Gap,

and to rock them.

And I'm ready to love ALL of me again.

I know this post has been long,

and if you're still here, thank you.

Because I can't take this journey alone.

So, tune in later this week for the full extent of my plans, goals, and everything in between.

Until then, never underestimate your power to change yourself and your circumstances.