One workout from a good mood.

Weight loss this week: 2 pounds
Total weight loss: 19.6 pounds

It's crazy that it's been exactly three months today since I started this. Although I'm far from where I need to be, I've noticed a lot of changes in my life. I have more energy. I'm not afraid to look in the mirror anymore. I actually crave vegetables.

Over the past couple of weeks though, I've noticed depression creeping back into my life. I couldn't pin point why-nothing has changed really. Then last night I went to the gym for the first time in a couple of weeks. (I've been pretty sick and using it as an excuse.) Afterwards, I realized that missing my workouts most likely played a huge part in the way my emotions had been changing. It reminded me of this picture I saw on Pinterest:

When I first saw this picture a couple of weeks ago, I didn't really like it. It didn't seem applicable to me, and I couldn't see any correlation between working out and my well being. Then last night, after leaving kickboxing (and feeling like my legs were going to give out), I felt lighter. Everything that has felt so wrong in my life suddenly didn't seem so hard to face. My circumstances didn't change. But one good work out helped me feel a little more hopeful. I can't help but quote Elle Woods in Legally Blonde. "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy."

So I'm resolving to do better at consistently working out. Not just for my physical health, but for the sake of my mental health too. One thing that I really believe, and have learned through all of my weight loss/gain experiences, it's that without the proper mind set, the weight won't stay off.


When I reached my skinniest (pictured below), I gained the weight back because when I looked in the mirror, I still saw the chubby girl that I was growing up. I was physically more healthy than I'd ever been in my life. But my head wasn't in the right place.

That's why my new motto is:

"Be ok with yourself, 
even if you know you want to change."


Here's to an all around healthier me.

Not much to say..

Weight loss this week: -2.8 pounds
Total weight loss: -17.6 pounds


I'll admit, I round it up to 18 when I tell people how much I've lost. And everybody says that 18 pounds is a lot, but honestly..I just don't see it. The good news is I'm wearing pants that haven't fit in a solid 4 months.

Working out hasn't happened in two weeks..I know, I fail. I went to California and cancelled my appointment with my trainer. I need to reschedule soon.. Then when I got home, I got a nasty bug and haven't been able to breathe out of my nose or mouth for a week. Thankfully I'm almost done with my antibiotics. I know I should suck it up and work out anyway. I always preach to not make any excuses. I'll do better.

I know this post is short, but I don't have much to say. 2.4 pounds away from 20, and I plan to make that happen in the next two weeks.

Weight loss this week (technically last week): 1.8 lbs
Total weight loss: 15.8 pounds

I realize I'm about 5 days late in posting this.. That was my weigh in last Saturday.
Practically 16 pounds down in two months, and I am feeling good.
Hopefully I can keep up this 8 lb/month average.

This week hasn't been great.
I had horrible tooth pain Monday and Tuesday and didn't go to the gym.
Then my root canal was yesterday, and I was too drugged up and numb to go.
The great thing is that my tooth has hurt too bad to really eat much of anything but greek yogurt and cottage cheese.

We'll see how things go with Christmas this weekend.
Speaking of which, have a merry one. :)

Weight loss this week: 1.8 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 9.8 pounds

I completely attribute my 1.8 pounds lost this week to my two new lovers, Zumba and kickboxing. Not that I necessarily ate bad, but I was more snacky than I have been.

I ordered these two Apex products and started taking them this weekend. I'm really anxious to see if they kick up my weight loss at all.

I opted for the Caffeine Free Fat Burn because my heart rate is already ridiculously high and extra caffeine tends to make me feel crazy. And anybody that knows me can testify that I do NOT need more crazy.

Here's my question. I've lost almost 10 pounds. Why do my pants still fit??

Seriously, they're the exact same fit that they were when I bought them two days before I started this journey. I've always had a flat stomach, and carry almost all my weight in my butt and hips, so you would think that they'd at least be a LITTLE loose. I'm frustrated.

But such is life. It'll happen soon enough, hopefully. :)

How to survive Thanksgiving

Weight loss this week: 4.2 pounds
Weight loss so far: 10.6 pounds

Yes. You read that right. 4.2 freaking pounds this week.

I usually weigh in on Monday, but I woke up feeling pretty good on Saturday. I generally despise weighing myself because I'm so afraid of that number. But I thought, why not, and was extremely surprised.

I really attribute the increase in loss to my work outs. I ate the same this past week (if not worse), but started going to kickboxing instead of just hitting the elliptical. I went for a hike. And I loved my workouts. I felt like I was actually accomplishing something when I felt the burn in my legs and abs all week. So I've decided to make this a habit. From now on, it's kickboxing Mondays and Wednesdays, and Zumba on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays that I'm not booked at the salon.

The great thing about these classes is I feel like I'm toning and strengthening while also getting an awesome cardio workout. I also work out harder than if I'm just doing it on my own.

On to the real matters of this week. It's Thanksgiving. (insert scary music here.)

People have been asking me what I'm going to do about the gigantic feast that will inevitably be shoved in my face this coming Thursday. Here's my plan for the day:

I'm waking up at 6:30 and going for a hike. That way I can get my exercise in early, jump start my metabolism for the day, and enjoy a beautiful morning with my family.

I'm eating my regular diet throughout the day. Generally, I just either binge all day, because hey, it's Thanksgiving! Or I starve myself then eat until I want to pass out. While those both sound like ridiculously fun ideas, I think I'll go the healthy route this year. Balanced breakfast, and my usual low calorie snacks in between meals, so that when the big meal comes, I don't over do it.

For the actual Thanksgiving dinner..I am not going to deprive myself. I want to enjoy the tradition, and feel like I'm not missing out. I plan to fill my plate with veggies, and get bite sized portions of the things I love-because who wants to miss out on the mashed potatoes, yams, and pumpkin pie? Not this girl. By having just a taste of the heavier things on the menu, but filling up on vegetables and lean meat beforehand, I promise you won't feel like you're missing out at all.

Eat slowly, and enjoy the company around you.
Thanksgiving should be a day to celebrate family, friends, and the freedom that we enjoy.
(And a preface to the great holiday, Black Friday.)

Eat to live, don't live to eat!

Update and Goals

Yes, yes, I know, I missed blogging last week.. I may or may not have intentionally not weighed myself out of fear that a certain time of the month would disrupt the outcome. It happens.

But I weighed myself yesterday and am down 6.4 pounds! Not ideal, but I am happy with anything, honestly. I keep reminding myself that I'm working out and (hopefully) gaining muscle also.


In 2 days, it will have been a month since I started. And I can honestly say I don't crave sugar at all anymore, or carbs usually. Yes, when a friend took me to Lolo's chicken and waffles, I ate half of a waffle.. and the same with the eggnog shake that another friend bought for me.


And then I worked my butt off at the gym.


Here's my theory. (Yes. Another one. I'm full of them.)


A month ago, I would have eaten 3 waffles, and 2 pieces of fried chicken, then chased it down with 2 or 3 Dr. Peppers. So I don't feel any remorse or guilt for eating ONE HALF of a waffle and having the self control to stop there.


Because I am so happy to finally feel a sense of control over my eating habits.


I had a really emotional week this past week, dealing with some really sad things that friends and family are going through. And when I got home, drained from emotion almost every night, I had the temptation to run to the fridge, and eat away my feelings. Just like when I was going through my divorce.



But I didn't.


And I will add that to the list of things to celebrate about myself.

Goals for this week:


1. Find cute ways to fit into the clothes I already have and dress them up a little more.

(my first attempt-I've never belted a shirt in my life. I was missing out!)

2. Lose at least 1.5 pounds.


Ready, set, go!

1 Week In

I'm one week in, and 2 pounds down. I'll be honest, I was expecting a bit more of a loss, considering the drastic change in my eating habits and increase in exercise. But 2 pounds is 2 pounds, so I'll take it.

The wife of the owner at my work is a personal trainer/body builder, and I've been following the diet plan that she gave me for the past week.

Here's an idea of how what I eat daily:

First thing in the morning: Protein drink

Breakfast: 1/2 cup oatmeal with cinnamon and stevia

Snack: Homemade protein bar (delicious and low calorie, I'll post the recipe at some point.)

Lunch: 1/2 cup brown rice, 1 chicken breast (or other lean protein), green vegetable (such as spinach, broccoli, romaine lettuce..)

Snack: Homemade protein bar

Dinner:  Turkey burger (or other lean protein, like fish), green vegetable

Right before bedtime: Protein drink

(I also drink at least 1 gallon of water a day.)

As you can see, I've cut out all sugar. I try to get in at least half an hour of exercise a day, this past week I only got in 4 days.

It was a difficult transition, but not as hard as I expected. I didn't miss or crave sugar at all, which was great, but for some reason I was still very cranky. I thought I'd be more tired, but I had more energy than normal.

The hard thing for me is not seeing the weight drop off immediately. I think, "ok I worked out for 45 minutes, why am I not skinny yet?" Every day I have to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that this is a lifestyle change.

I'm not going to lose 20 pounds in 2 days, or maybe not even in 2 months.
People aren't going to notice that I lost 2 pounds, even though I feel it.
And when I reach my goal weight, it still won't be ok for me to drink soda every day, and snack on candy when I'm hungry or sad.

Will it be easier to indulge every once in a while? Yes.
But this isn't some quick fix. This is why I've always gained the weight back. Because I don't treat it as a new way of life.

But this time is different. This time has to be different.

From here on out, I eat to live, I don't live to eat.

First day of the rest of my life

Hi. I'm Heidi.

Although if you're here, you should probably already know that.

This new blog of mine is to help document my weight loss journey, motivate me towards reaching my goals, and maybe even encourage a person or two along the way.

Let's start at the beginning, shall we?

I've been overweight since I was a kid. It never bothered me much. Sure, I wished it was easier to find a prom dress that fit, and I dreaded P.E. But I always had a lot friends. I was never bullied. I was genuinely happy.

Towards the end of my senior year in high school, I wanted to change.

And I did. I worked my butt off, literally. Within a year I was down a whopping SIXTY POUNDS.

It felt great. I'd always been popular, but boys were looking at me. I was dating men I had never even dreamed would be interested in me, due to my weight. And for once in my life, I actually felt confident at a pool party.

However, it was short lived. After a terrible break up, I gained thirty pounds back, only to lose 20 of it again for my wedding May of in 2010.

Which is where I'd really like to start this story.

I was married May 29, 2010.

I wore a size 12 wedding dress, which to some may sound big, but considering that I'm 5'9", and have always been overweight, to me, it was perfect.

Then my marriage started going downhill-and fast.

The worse it got, the more I ate.

I remember staying awake after my husband went to bed and just eating,

trying to somehow fill the void that wasn't being filled with the love I was craving so desperately.

I was depressed. I was suicidal. And then he left, in February of 2011.

And I ate some more.

In the past year and a half, I've been married, divorced, turned 22, gotten on and off depression medicine, and been through countless more events that I won't bore you with.

But I let life get the best of me and my body.

And I now weigh more than I ever have in my life.

Which brings me here, writing this blog, because I am ready to take my life back.

I'm ready to stop "untagging" myself on Facebook, because I'm ashamed.

I'm ready to fit into those hot corduroy skinnies I bought from the Gap,

and to rock them.

And I'm ready to love ALL of me again.

I know this post has been long,

and if you're still here, thank you.

Because I can't take this journey alone.

So, tune in later this week for the full extent of my plans, goals, and everything in between.

Until then, never underestimate your power to change yourself and your circumstances.