Reasons

Guys. (Meaning myself, because nobody reads this.) I have lost ZERO POUNDS. I haven't gained, but I'm really confused. I eat extremely well, I go to the gym for an hour, sometimes two, a day. Most people I know lose 5-10 pounds at the drop of the hat just for quitting soda alone. I was drinking one a day, quit cold turkey, and lost nothing. I know that I'm getting healthier. My body feels better, albeit exhausted and sore. I crave the gym, now. I sweat more than I ever have in my life. It drips off of my face, and runs into my eyes. My sports bra is soaked. It's the greatest feeling in the world to know that I'm putting in that effort, and when I leave, I feel on top of the world, even though I can barely stand. But then I got on the scale, and there is NO. LOSS.

People keep telling me I'm gaining muscle, but I really don't think I've been lifting weights to the point that I've already built up enough muscle to outweigh any loss. I only do Body Pump twice a week, and mostly focus on cardio. I'm really considering getting blood work done. I've thought for a while that how rapidly I gained weight after my divorce was not normal, and how hard it is to take it off isn't either. I'm not expecting a walk in the park, but a month of working my butt off and eating clean should have SOME results.

Regardless, I'm going to keep on keeping on. I see a small difference in the mirror, and even if it's just mental, it's enough to keep me motivated. I wanted to make a list of some reasons that I want to lose the weight, to remind myself on days when I'm not as motivated. Yes, I realize some of these are very shallow, but it is what it is. So without further ado, here's what I've got so far:

• To feel confident in a swimming suit
• To not run the other way when I run into a boy I kissed or dated when I was thin
• To cross my legs comfortably
• To feel like I can participate when my friends want to play sports/go dancing, without worrying about what I look like
• To not have to wonder if a store will have my size
• To wear the bright red corduroy skinnies I've had in my closet for a year
• To not wonder if I'm the heaviest person in my class at the gym
• To wear a tank top instead of a baggy shirt at the gym
• To not untag myself in pictures on Facebook
• To continue to see my energy and stamina increase
• To shop for clothes that are really my style-not just clothes that are cute and fit
• To cut my hair super short
• To set healthy habits for life, that I can pass on to my kids, if I ever have any
• To pull out all of my "skinny" clothes and get rid of my "fat" clothes
• To see my collarbones (I just really really love collarbones..)
• To have a healthy relationship with food
• To be able to say I did it.

Body Pump

Last night, I did Body Pump for the first time. It. Was. Awesome. Seriously, I was shaking, and burning, and I loved every second of it. Afterwards, I stayed for half of Zumba. I had to leave due to a prior engagement, but it felt so good to push my body and know that I could really do two hours of classes if time allowed for it. It sounds insane, but I left the gym feeling like I'd already lost weight. And I know it was purely mental, but it was such a good motivation to do it again.

I did weigh myself this morning, and I'd lost a pound. A friend who's lost 95 pounds told me that when she was losing weight, she would vow to never see that number on the scale again. So if she ate badly one day, she wouldn't weigh herself the next day, because the next number she saw always had to be lower than the last. I love that. So when I weighed myself this morning, I promised myself I would NEVER see that number again. I won't divulge what I weigh, but that's a promise I want to keep to myself.

Oh, and I never a new favorite breakfast- refrigerated oatmeal. It's all over Pinterest, and I finally gave it a shot. I put 1/2 c quick oats in a jar, and 3/4 c unsweetened almond milk. I threw in a small handful of blueberries, put the lid on, shook it up, and stuck it in the fridge overnight. The next morning, I sprinkled a tiny bit of Great Grains cereal on top for some crunch, and it was delicious. When I eat my spinach smoothies, I'm hungry again within an hour or two. After eating this though, I was fine until lunch. Fantastic!

Also, as I was writing this, a coworker asked me if I've been losing weight. If that's not motivation, I don't know what is. I just feel happy today. And I haven't felt this way in months. I forgot how much I love the gym. I crave it now. Zumba tonight!

Hello, again.

I'm back. The last few months have been a roller coaster. I moved 3 times this summer, and for the majority of the summer, I didn't have access to a kitchen. I've somehow managed to maintain 20 pounds lost, but now that I'm back in a routine and a house where I can actually unpack my kitchen things, I'm ready to get my butt back into shape, and lose another 20! (Then another.. then another.)

Having a kitchen and being able to buy groceries has made all the difference the last couple of weeks, and I'll never take it for granted again! I've started making all of my meals, where I was eating out 2-4 times a day before. Every morning, I have a spinach smoothie with almond milk, greek yogurt, and berries that I bought at the farmer's market and froze. Snacks have become carrots, raw almonds, low fat cottage cheese and celery, or fruit, in place of the candy or QT taquitos that I have been grabbing the last few weeks. I've started to go to the gym again, and am utilizing the classes-primarily kickboxing and Zumba, and I'm trying out Body Pump for the first time tonight.

I don't know where my head has been at the last couple of months, but I'm so happy my drive is back. I'm happy to be back in a place where I feel comfortable and motivated to begin a healthy life style again.

I know literally nobody reads this blog, but I'm going to keep track of my progress here anyway, 100% to help keep myself on track.

So excited to be back. :)

Last week, on the second day I was scheduled to run, I woke up with shin splints that hurt too badly almost to even walk. It was terrible. So I had to put running on hold, pop lots of Ibuprophen, do lots of stretching, and shove an ice pack up the leg of my jeggings while sitting at my desk at work. (Yes, I wear jeggings. Don't judge.)

So after taking a week off, I started up week 2 again on Tuesday. I was expecting it to be hard. I was expecting that week off to put me in even worse running shape than I was in before. But, I was pleasantly surprised. The running stretches were easier-although my shins/calves were feeling it, I ran faster and was still able to carry on a conversation. When it came time to walk, I didn't feel like I needed to walk slowly to catch my breath. And afterwards, I felt so good that I went straight to an hour of Zumba.

My shins are hurting again today, but Tuesday was rejuvenating. I'm excited to start running longer, and walking less. I'm aware that it won't be easy, but it no longer seems out of reach. Somebody will probably have to remind me that I felt this way several times over the next few weeks, though, as I'm sure I won't always feel this positive.

But I really hope that I can hold onto this motivation, because it feels fantastic.

W1D2 C25K

Yesterday was day 2 of C25K. (Couch to 5K. DUH.)

It was easier than the first day in some ways-my breathing was fine. I actually didn't feel tired or breathless at all. (except for one instance where I accidentally reset the clock in the middle of a run, and my friend decided we should just run longer.)

The only problem is still my freaking feet. I'm breaking all of my rules today and wearing tennis shoes with jeans at work. I wear sandals year round, and never running shoes unless I'm working out. But I want to get used to these things, so a sacrifice had to be made. Ha. They really don't feel bad when I'm not running-my right calf just cramps up so badly when I am.

I decided to make myself a motivational board with my 5K schedule on it, and skinny pictures of myself, and things of that nature. I haven't actually done it, but I bought the poster board, so that's a start, right? It's already making me excited to cross off the days I run on my calendar.

Anyway..I'm just rambling. But I figured if I blog about every run, I'll be more inclined to actually run, and not make excuses. So here you go.

My first "run"

So, I went on my first "run" yesterday. It's ridiculous to even call it that, considering how little running I did. The schedule for the first week is three days of running 60 seconds, then walking 90 seconds for 20 minutes.

I looked at that, and thought, "That's ridiculously easy. I should skip to the second week." My friend convinced me to just start with the 60 seconds, and I'm so glad she did.

Guys. I'm not out of shape. I very seriously believe that your size doesn't determine your fitness level, and I promise you that when I'm at the gym, I don't do things half way. I kick my freaking butt until I want to die, and I'm proud of how hard I push myself.

And yesterday was still so hard. I've never enjoyed running. I have asthma (yet never take an inhaler) and for some reason, my lungs have always burned like nobody's business when I run. By the end of the first 60 seconds, even though I practiced steady breathing the whole time, I was out of breath. And it was terrible.

Eventually, the breathing got better, but my feet/calves kept getting worse. It was only my second time wearing my shoes, and I could tell. My feet still were cramping up from the arches, and it was the hardest part of the whole thing. I think I'm going to start wearing them around all of the time to break them in, because that was not cool.

Other than that, I didn't hate it. We went about 1.5 miles in the twenty minutes, which isn't great, but it is what it is. Part of that is because I was walking slower than I do on average due to the foot pain.

And on the plus side, I'm sore today-not the bad sore...the sore that hurts so good-in my abs, my inner thighs, I can feel that I worked them.

Hope day two is a little better!

Shoes!

Guess what I did this weekend! (Don't really guess, I'm just going to show you.)

Yay! I went to Road Runner and finally got fitted for running shoes. I was really intimidated at first-I know it's silly, but the guy helping me was extremely attractive, and I had no idea what I was doing. But it went really well, and after paying a pretty penny, I got these babies. I love them.

They shape an insert to your foot, and even though it cost as much as my shoes, I fell for it and bought it. I have really high arches, so the new arch support is going to take some getting used to. I wore them to Zumba on Saturday morning, and my toes started cramping about 10 minutes in, but it didn't last long.

Today, I'm starting the Couch Potato to 5K program, and I'm so excited. In case anybody is wondering, this is the schedule I'm following. I'm excited because I feel like going running gives me so much more freedom. I love doing the classes at the gym, but I feel like without them I don't work as hard, so I'm a slave to whatever time the class is at. And if I can't make it to class, I usually just don't go, which is terrible, and I know that. I have a friend running with me, and she's the type that will make sure I go, so that's great.

I just really, really want to do this.

I also love the gym, so I'm planning to go to Zumba or Body Pump still on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays that I don't work. I did really well making healthy eating choices last week, so snaps for me. I suppose I should weigh myself and post a project picture soon.. Next week.