I officially have lost ten more pounds since the beginning of October, bringing me to 29! I'M DYING to lose one more pound and be at 30. I'll definitely be getting myself a reward when that happens.

Unfortunately, my most recent weight loss has been because of my inability to eat, thanks to a new medicine I'm taking. I feel nauseous 100% of the time, and literally have to force myself to eat 1200 calories a day. I'm still going to the gym, but only about 3 times a week, because I worry I'll pass out. It is not fun.

This is the first time in my life that I have to make myself eat. It's weird. My parents bought pizza last night, and I could barely finish a slice. Which is great, in some ways. But the icky feeling needs to go.

My new goal is to hit 40 pounds lost by January 1st!

Only 11 to go!

WINNING.

This month has been so fantastic. I've lost 6.6 pounds, bringing me to a total of 25.4. I feel SO GOOD.

I also feel like I look like I've lost more than that. The other day, I tried on a dress that I wore when I was about to get married, and almost at my thinnest (42 pounds less than now), and it was only slightly snug. It's like my weight has completely redistributed itself.

Yesterday, at church, I wore a shirt that hasn't fit in A LOOONG TIME, tucked into a skirt I've never worn, and got told I look "tiny" several times. I really don't, but I'm so happy that other people are starting to see and acknowledge my weight loss.

AND...MY RED PANTS FIT!

Life is good.

One year

It's been exactly one year since I renewed my resolve to be healthy.

I remember because I started on my niece's first birthday. The day she was born, I was close to the thinnest I've ever been, although this picture doesn't do it justice. I had worked hard to be where I was. I was 50 pounds lighter than I had been in high school, and I shed  A LOT of sweat and tears to get there.

One year, one divorce, and 67 added pounds later, I was tired. Tired of who I was, tired of using my divorce as a crutch to eat as much cake as I wanted. I was tired of looking in the mirror and hating what I saw, hating myself for getting to this point. I took very few pictures of myself, and hate the few that I have.

I've always believed that you need to be emotionally ready to lose the weight, and when you are, something will click in your brain, and the motivation will come. I believe this, because I had witnessed it the first time I shed the weight. Thankfully, one year ago, something clicked in my head, and I knew I was ready to make changes and find myself again.

Although it may seem insignificant to outsiders, this year to me has been life changing. I've only lost 23 pounds, I've dreaded going to the gym some days, and completely avoided it occasionally, but I always come back to this new person that I am. I don't recognize the girl from last year, and I will NEVER see her again.

I am proud of the gallon jug of water I've carried every day for the past year.
I am proud of the endurance I've built, and the 10 girl push-ups I can do as opposed to last years zero.
I am proud of the healthy choices that I make daily.
I am proud of my body, and one year ago, that's something I never thought I would say again.

I know that even though it's taken me a year to lose only 23 pounds, those 23 pounds will stay off for life, along with the weight that I am continuing to lose. 

Here's to being even happier and healthier, one year from now.

YAY!

GUYS. THE SCALE MOVED!

I'm so excited, I could cry. I weighed this morning, so frustrated and expecting to see the same number I've seen for months.

AND IT WAS DOWN 3.2 POUNDS.

I can't even begin to describe how relieved I am. Yesterday, I felt SO STUCK. I called my mom and just wanted to cry and give up. How could I be losing no weight with how hard I've been working? I am crossing my fingers that this 3.2 pounds is the jump start to steady weight loss.

I've also started to log everything on My Fitness Pal, which has been helpful. I'm more aware of what I'm eating. Since people can see my food log, I don't want to eat something I wouldn't want anybody to see.

I'll just end with a couple of pictures of my red pants. They are on and zipped up! And skin freaking tight. (This was a week ago.) If I keep up this progress, they'll definitely fit by the end of the month!

So close, I can feel it!

FRUSTRATED

I'm so frustrated.

Remember how I was going to lose eight pounds in September?

Yeah, didn't even lose 8 ounces. And it's not that I didn't try. I tried so hard.
I hit the gym regularly. I ate well. I don't get it.

I got my blood tested on Friday, to check for a thyroid or hormone problem.
I almost hope that I have a thyroid problem, because I hear that medicine makes you drop weight.

Probably shouldn't wish for that.

I need to come up with a game plan for October. On October 27th, I am going to a concert that I'm really excited about, but that I also know will have an ex or two in attendance.

I just want to look and feel a lot better by then.

So, game plan:

No sugar Monday through Friday. (shoot me.)
I printed up a calendar of October, and wrote every work out for the month on it. 6 days a week.
Start 30 Day Shred (again) today. It's on the schedule every single day except Sundays.

FIT INTO RED PANTS BY THE 27TH. Guys, my red pants are so great. I can finally get into them (if I jump up and down for 10 minutes and don't move after that), and if I can fit into them comfortable by the 27th, I think I'll be the happiest girl in the world.

Here we go!

 I haven't posted in a while, but I haven't quit. I've been working harder than ever, actually. The bad news is that I've only lost three pounds. In a month. However, my ring is getting loose, my collar bones are starting to show, and for the first time last night, I walked by a mirror, and was really surprised at how much I didn't hate what I saw. I could see that there is progress to be made, but also could see that I've come farther than I thought in the last month.

The hardest thing has been having to find the motivation within myself. To be honest, my friends are supportive. Just not encouraging, if that makes sense. They tell people I live at the gym, and I love being that girl. But, they don't tell me I'm doing awesome, or that they can see a change. This morning my boss told me how awesome it is that I'm going to the gym every day, and it was the most uplifting thing anybody has said about how hard I'm working. It felt good. 

Anyway, I thought I'd just share a few pictures I've snapped of my journey over the last few weeks.

 First off, zucchini pizza. I'm pretty sure it is the greatest thing I have ever had in my life, and it's my all time favorite meal. Slice the zucchini, and steam if until it's still a little crunchy, but soft in the center. Then I arrange them all on a pan, put a little tomato sauce on each, and sprinkle with low fat mozzarella. Then I throw it in the oven for about 5 minutes on 350, and eat! When I'm sad and craving comfort food (pizza), this fills me up, without the carbs, and with all of the flavor.

  

I usually whip up a spinach smoothie for breakfast, but lately have noticed that on the days I eat oatmeal in the morning, I'm much fuller for longer. I was craving sweet, so I used 1/2 cup oatmeal, 2/3 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk, stirred in about a tablespoon of dark chocolate chips, a few slivered almonds, and a small amount of coconut. Shake it and refrigerate overnight. I couldn't even finish it, it was so filling. And it's SO EASY! It took less than 5 minutes to prepare, and I wake up 5 minutes later the next morning and just grab it and eat at my desk. :)

 

I feel like this picture is much more forgiving than I actually look. But it was an encouragement to see, anyway.

 

I decided this week to write up my weekly schedule of what workout I was planning to do, and what other things I had going on that evening. (Yes, I watched the VMA's a week late.) When it's written out and hanging in my room, I feel much more inclined to follow through. I haven't missed a work out yet this week, and I feel great! The picture on the left was after my workout last night. I did a circuit of a variety of weight machines, at 12 reps each with moderate weight, 5 minutes of the stair master (shoot me.), and repeated it three times. I finished off with twenty minutes on the elliptical, varying my incline and resistance. I was DRIPPING sweat.

The only terrible thing about working out every day is that I can no longer wash my hair only three times a week. When I leave the gym, you could wring sweat out of it. Blow drying my hair is my least favorite thing to do, and now it's a daily thing. But totally worth it for the results I know I'll see!